The last letter
To the one who was once the dearest, but never was and will be forgotten,
I heard a song today while I was on my way home. It's not just a song, it's our song. Yes, the one that we used to sing to a couple of years ago.
I wrote to you just to say that I have already let go. The hatred, the sadness and all of the remorse, I have let them all go.
However, I haven't forget you. There are still times, like right now at 3:44AM on a Monday, that I remember you. It is not my intention for that to happen, but sometimes memories of you just pop up out of nowhere, and I couldn't help but smile.
Don't get me wrong. I know I've told you that I have let go. I did. You know I did. I wouldn't be very happy with what and whom I am with now if I didn't. But I only let go of the painful things. Our memories? I can never erase it. I couldn't help but smile, because apart from all of the hurtful things we have done to each other, these memories, positive memories of you are the ones that I don't regret. And never will I regret.
You have become a huge part of me. So huge that I have chosen to treasure and learn from our memories when we were still together. In those years after we parted ways, once in a while, I get flashbacks. The songs, the flowers, the guitar chords, the petrichor of the rain, and other random things that I previously associate you with. But since then, everytime I get those things, I realize, it doesn't feel the same way anymore. My chest doesn't hurt, and I don't blink by the sound of your name any longer. Maybe, this was it.
Maybe, I finally got the closure that I wanted— the one that you never gave me a couple of years ago, and the one that was supposed to let us be friends again. I know that when our paths cross once again, we can finally look into each other's eyes and greet each other hello. It has come, at last, despite its somehow late arrival. Better late than never.
After all, if it weren't for you letting me go, I wouldn't figure out how to love myself more, which eventually led me to the one who deserves the best of me, for seeing the worst that I have gone through back then. Besides, you have foreseen his identity before, right?
Wherever you are, I wish you the best. You deserve to be happy, and you deserved to be loved. Remember that.
See you whenever,
F.
